PPNYC volunteers (photo: @PPNYCAction)
When I heard Salt-n-Pepa's song "Let's Talk About Sex" as a young person in the 1990s, it stirred my interest in the subject. I remember coming home and asking my mother about sex, and receiving responses that left me feeling frustrated.
I wasn't getting my questions answered in school either. Sex ed did not go into detail about body image or the emotional connection that came with experiencing sexuality. Unfortunately, in New York City many young people still aren't getting adequate information about sexual health or relationships at school. Like me two decades ago, many aren't getting this information from their parents or caregivers either. Today, young people are often left unequipped in a world filled with distorted sexual messages everywhere on social media, in advertisements, on TV, and elsewhere.
That's why it's so important that, as a city, we prioritize comprehensive, age-appropriate sex ed for all students, kindergarten through 12th grade.
It's also why, as a parent, I make a point to let my children know they can always come to me with questions about sex and sexuality, and I make sure they have accurate information and skills to make healthy decisions. I also joined Planned Parenthood of New York City's Adult Role Model team to educate other parents about how to talk to their kids about sex. Because so many parents are uncomfortable, the program helps provide them with guidance to start what should become an ongoing conversation.
My parents migrated to this country from the Caribbean, and in their culture, sex was not discussed in detail, especially with daughters. It was a brief topic of doom discussed when a girl began menstruating because then there was fear that she could end up pregnant. Girls were typically warned that if they had sex before marriage and became pregnant, the young man was likely to leave, which meant raising the child alone.
I was left on my own, with myths and misinformed answers from my friends, to figure out sexuality. Had my parents felt comfortable and had accurate information about sexuality, or had I learned much-needed information in the New York City school system, I believe my sexual experiences would have been filled with fewer heartbreaks and less gloom.
When I gave birth to my children, I vowed to educate and enlighten them on sexuality because I did not want them to go through similar experiences. When my daughter started middle school, I had questions about what exactly to tell her about sexuality. One day, she came home with a flyer for a workshop hosted by Planned Parenthood of New York City about sexuality and how parents could have these conversations with their children. I was elated - I went to the workshop eager and left equipped with the information and skills to talk more adequately with my children.
I learned that it was OK to give my children my values and that sexuality is more than just sex. I also learned how important it is for parents to have accurate information. In no way was I going to leave it up to the media, or my children's friends. Information about sex needs to come from me, I decided.
The next day I began educating my children, and put them at ease so they could come to me with questions. It was not just a one-time discussion or an accusatory one; it was from and full of love and respect for my children.
So then it began. I became their "go to" person for accurate messages and information about sex and sexuality. When my son was in middle school, he received a sex ed class. When the teacher described the reproductive systems, his peers were "oohing" and "ahhing." He said that he was so comfortable because he already received education about sexuality from his mom. In my head I was doing flips and shouting for joy.
Today, I go to various schools and communities, and I'm surprised that some parents are still not having these important conversations with their children. My children tell me stories about their friends and peers not having someone they can trust to talk to about sexuality.
So let's talk about sex—both in schools and at home. Who do you want your children to learn values from, if not from you? Would you want your child to engage in sexual activities with a partner out of fear or in ignorance? Would you want your child to engage in unprotected sex because they don't know any better?
It's heartbreaking that so many students still aren't learning these essential lessons at home or at school. We must prioritize sex ed in city schools, and encourage parents and the caring adults in the lives of youth to talk to young people about sexuality and sexual health early and often.
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Marsha Blackman is an Adult Role Model with Planned Parenthood of New York City. Find Planned Parenthood on Twitter @PPNYCAction.
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